My Very Own Mary Tyler Moore

“Love is all around, no need to waste it…”

As a young boy I would hum the tune of the Mary Tyler Moore show. I was a bit too young to be allowed to watch the show in its first few seasons. In the later seasons, I would watch with my mom and then even later still, we would watch the reruns in syndication. I never really thought much about the words to the song back then. Now those words are as iconic as the “hat toss” which is rated by Entertainment Weekly as the #2 moment in 1970’s television history.

the_mary_tyler_moore_show_intro__hat_toss__by_jamesviayoutube-d707kfuI loved watching the Mary Tyler Moore show with my mom. A lot of what the character Mary Richards embodied, my mom taught me in the example of the way she lived and still lives her life. To me though, back then, Mary Richards was everything you wanted to have in a cool aunt or your Dad’s awesome personal assistant – although I’m pretty sure the term was secretary back then. At the time I wasn’t even really sure why I was so attracted to Mary Tyler Moore and the character she played on the show. With forty years of hindsight it’s as clear to me as the sunrise I’m looking at out my sliding glass door in Michigan on this stunning morning. I loved Mary Richards because she embodied so many of the qualities I would grow to seek in the woman of my dreams later in my life – even if I didn’t have the wisdom to recognize it way back then. Mary was kind. Mary was determined. Mary was a change maker. Mary was vulnerable. Mary was encouraging. Mary was goofy. Mary was brave. Mary was forgiving. To me Mary was Love with a capital letter L.

Not surprisingly I have been deeply moved by her transition. But like so many who have crossed over the the other side of the veil, Mary moves closer to me now than she ever could have been before. There is a way to “know” someone so much more deeply when they are unencumbered by their human entrapments and limitations, isn’t there? Believe what you wish about spirit and soul and humanity, but in my Universe there can be no other possibility than the possibility to have dialogue with the multitude of angels on the other side. Over the course of this weekend I enjoyed starting to get to know the Mary on the other side.

I had the opportunity to moderate a healing circle this Saturday and the focus of the circle was acceptance. It was a powerful circle. Those who choose to participate can work on a plethora of different things. Some people work on healing from a death or divorce. Some are working on letting go of baggage from things that no longer serve them. Others are coming to terms with current circumstances that they may not prefer. At the end of the workshop we get to write letters to the person or thing we are trying to connect with as we practice the art of letting go and accepting. I wrote my letter to Mary Tyler Moore/Mary Richards.

In the letter I thanked her for all the work she did to help humanity raise our collective vibration. I thanked her for being an embodiment of Love with a capital letter L. Then I asked her to support and empower the people of today – particularly the people who are incarnated as women – as we all work through this period of social change and advocate for all of humanities rights. Interesting how much our current time in human history  looks a bit like the early to mid 1960s, isn’t it? Then as I closed my letter to Mary, I said:

“Please send more women like you so that we can increase the size of the collective of angels doing the work together….”

What happened next as I finished writing those words was as if I had been hit in the middle of my heart by one of Cupid’s very own arrows. The message I got was as clear as the sunrise I mentioned earlier in this post. Mary said to me:

“Take note that you already walk the path of your own life every single day with one of these angels you speak of. She’s at your very side…” 

As a young boy I dreamed of being a change maker. I dreamed of having a life partner that was perfectly aligned to help me become the most that I could be. In some ways, my schoolboy crush on Mary Richards was the beginning of a manifestation that would come to reality many years down the road. When I think of my twin flame Christiana, I think of words like kindness, determination, vulnerability, goofiness and bravery. Just like Mary. She has taught me to be better at all of those things and I continue to be a student in her loving hands.

Who can turn the world on with her smile? It’s my very own Mary Tyler Moore – Christiana Herbert. How lucky am I…

In times of great change, great change makers step forward, sometimes side by side. I believe in the power of the collective and walk with confidence towards that place of healing that we all seek.

Love is all around no need to save it….

We can heal the world, why don’t we face it….

We’re going to make it after all…

We’re going to make it after all…

 

 

 

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On this Night…

Over the last month and a half I have been posting thoughts from my daily meditations on Facebook under the title of “On this Day…” It has been a way for me to share and create content in a period where my blogging has been a bit stagnant, but my heart and mind have been open and flowing. The posts have been short reflections that take no more than five minutes to create. They have been well received and I will gather them together in a collection at some point for those of you who do not access Facebook.

As I sit in silence on this Christmas Eve I thought I would return to my blog with a post called “On this Night…” My thoughts are in honor of the Spirit of the season and my evolving feelings as a human being having a Spiritual experience in this lifetime. Here it is!

One this night….

We celebrate the birth of a Consciousness. The Christ Consciousness. The Christ Consciousness knows no boundaries of race or creed or geography. Regardless of your feelings about religion there is one absolute Truth that extends through all of humankind. That Truth is that we are all Love!

In my lifetime I have had an evolving relationship with religion. I have traveled the path for many of the early years of my life as a Christian yet I have always been more intrigued with the similarities between the various paths of Faith than the differences. Those curiosities have opened my eyes to the teachings of many great Spiritual teachers that have walked the earth through the ages.

310-300x336As I explore the Way, I have read the words of the Buddha, Lao-Tzu, Jesus, Gichin Funakoshi, Babaji, Paramahansa, Charles Fillmore, Lord Krishna, Don Miguel Ruiz, Joel Goldsmith, Krishnamurthi, Confucius, Patanjali, Mohammed, Gurdjeff, Gandhi, Wayne Dyer and so many others.

From my many years in martial arts I heard the famous parable of Confucius himself, who said, “Rabbit that chases too many tails catches none…”

I would have to counter by saying that if the rabbit explores many paths and realizes in the end that they are all the same that the awakening is the powerful!

For the first fifty years of my life I searched high and low for the evidence of the Oneness. My journey was about me and I wanted nothing more than to find my own hope, my own peace, my own joy and my own faith. The search has come with many great rewards. I have an amazing life. I have an infinite number of friends and loved ones. I have abundance beyond anything I could have ever dreamed of. The only piece that was missing after that fifty year search was a deep love of myself. At age fifty I still found myself feeling very lost and very alone despite the many blessings I had enjoyed. I found myself wondering what my purpose was and why I had yet to find that ultimate prize of bliss and contentment.

Then through a series of blessed coincidences and some deep reflection I have realized something very important in the last two and a half years. I realized that if my search continued to be predominantly about ME, that I would continue to create separation between myself and the Divine. When there is a separation between me and the Divine there is a separation between me and all beings both on the human side of the veil and the Spirit side of the veil. I have lived a life full of love. I have loving parents who taught me about love and made me feel loved beyond measure. I have a twin flame in Christiana and have had many other loved ones in the past who have served as examples of love and how to love. Still I somehow managed to build walls around my heart.

Mind you I do recognize that I have traveled the path as a loving and caring human being. I’ve lived a good life. I’d like to think I’ve given as much as I have received. Many have told me through all times that they appreciate what I have done for them and that they are blessed to have known me and my love in this lifetime.

That being said, everything started to shift for me when I realized the difference between love and unconditional love. When we build walls around our heart we are most certainly still capable of giving and receiving love. The only caveat is that we often attach consequences or conditions to our ability to give and receive love. Have you ever found yourself feeling pride for the loving action you offered to another human? Have you ever asked for a certain conditional expectation before you gave your love? Haver you ever guilted or shamed someone for not seeing and feeling the exact same thing that you saw or felt? I know that I have and at times I still do. I accept that I am a work in progress, but the less I focus on my own path to hope, peace, joy and faith the better probability that I can truly understand love. The journey is not about my own physical destination in this lifetime, but rather the unified enlightenment of all of humanity. It is that awakening that has afforded me the ability to take the first step in understanding unconditional love.

If you have read the words of any of the great Masters that I mentioned earlier in this post the underlying Truth in everything they taught is simple to understand. That Truth is that in order to ascend to there highest plateaus of Consciousness and reach the Divine Kingdom, we must do only one thing. Give our own Love to all without condition!

So on this night as so many celebrate the honorary birth of The Christ, is my greatest joy to celebrate all that IS. I am grateful for the countless number of mentors who have chosen to cross my path and help me find my Way. My previous inability to hear the message had nothing to do with the quality of the message that was offered to me, but rather my inability to understand how to listen. I may have spent a lifetime listening with my ears and hearing nothing, but when I opened my heart I was finally awakened enough to hear that the message was always the same.

That message is this….

We are Love. We are not fear. We are not shame. We are not guilt. We are not less than. We are not hate. We are not separate from the Divine. We are Love. When we learn to love without condition we open the floodgates to an Infinite power that delivers bliss beyond measure.

Can you feel it? Can you feel the awakening and the re-birth on this special night? Do you see the shift coming? It is when we truly open our hearts to all the possibilities that the power of love will overtake the love of power. The external circumstances of the right now are merely a blip on the radar of humanity.

On this night I celebrate the birth of an awakening of humanity’s collective Consciousness. There are no boundaries. There is no separation. There is only Love…

 

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The Joy of a Million Souls

A week ago my wife Christiana and I had the wonderful opportunity of attending Game #6 of the National League Championship Series. At that game, the Chicago Cubs defeated the Los Angeles Dodgers 5-0 and advanced to the World Series for the first time in over 70 years. People throughout Chicagoland and from around the world have continued to follow the Cubs as they fight to stave off elimination. Their quest will continue tonight in Cleveland with another game #6, where the Cleveland Indians now have the chance to eliminate the Cubs and win their first world championship in over 70 years.

One of the greatest things about baseball are the stories. Baseball and history are woven together like two fibers in a finely made rug. Baseball is in many ways a microcosm of humanity. There are underdogs and bullies. There is hope and fear. There is sorrow and joy. In the end there is the game, a game that has been played by many and watched by many more for generations gone by.

I have had the great privilege of attending many big time sporting events in my lifetime. I’ve been to numerous World Series games. I’ve been to at least a few NBA championship games. I’ve been to a game #7 of a Stanley Cup Final and watched my team lose while the other team carried the Cup around the ice. I’ve even been to the biggest game of all, the Super Bowl. None of them compared to the experience of Game #6 of the NLCS last Saturday night.

unnamed-25Once every so often in life the table is set perfectly. On Saturday October 22nd at Wrigley Field the table was set for a night of pure joy. What was supposed to be a cool and potentially rainy night turned into a dry evening in the low 60s. The hometown Cubs were holding a 3-2 series lead and needed to win only one of the remaining two games at home to close out the Dodgers and advance to the World Series. While everyone hoped that the final act would play out on Saturday night, there was still the safety net of Sunday night if needed. There was a relaxed atmosphere to start the night. Lots of hope. Only a trace of fear. To help things along, the Cubs jumped out to an early lead by scoring runs in both the first and the second innings. Cubs starting pitcher Kyle Hendricks looked calm and cool as he threw first pitch strikes and mowed through 7 innings with hardly a blemish on his pitching line.

In the stands you could quite literally feel the anticipation growing with each passing minute. “Holy Cow this is actually gonna happen!” I heard one fan mutter to his friend a few rows behind us during the eighth inning. When it was all said and done and Anthony Rizzo squeezed the last out of the night into his giant first baseman’s glove, Wrigley Field erupted like a volcano that had been held back for millennia.

It wasn’t just the noise that was made by the 42,386 fans in attendance that raised the vibration of Wrigleyville that night at 9:46 p.m. It was the flood of joy that was released by over a million souls that made this moment in time one of the most powerful moments in my lifetime.

While we sat in the stands at Wrigley during game #6 of the NLCS last Saturday night I thought about a lot of things. I thought about the fact that I never went to a game at Wrigley with my Dad who died 19 years ago. I thought about my Grandpa Gaydos who watched every Cubs game from either his kitchen table or his corner tavern for decades before he died over 20 years ago. I thought about my dear friend Richard and his stories about going to games with his son Zach back in the days before they both crossed over to the other side of the veil all to soon. I thought about my cousins in Wisconsin who were watching with their hearts full of hope after recently losing their Cubs fanatic father, my Uncle Willie. I thought about the only time I caught a foul ball at Wrigley at the game we attended with our friends Carl and Joy. That game was about a year before Joy left us by quietly riding a golden wave of light out of her body while we sat at her bedside. Without even getting too deep into my history I managed to conjure up a half a dozen souls who brought their energies to the stadium with me that night. I’m sure there were many who carried the energy of even more souls than I did.

So let’s for the sake of this little hypothesis say that on the average each person at Wrigley field for Game #6 of the NLCS had the hopes and dreams of five other Spirits/Souls with them. I’d say that’s a conservative estimate! 42,386 x 5 = 211, 780. Now let’s take that back just one more generation and say that each of the five Spirit/Souls that came along for the ride attached to the 42,386 humans that were at Wrigley for Game #6 had five others with them on the other side of the veil. There are taverns in Heaven aren’t there?

211, 780 x 5 = 1,058,900 plus of course the actual 42,386 at the game. And how many generations has it been that the Cubs have been MLB’s lovable losers? I think you get the picture…

So on a magical Fall night….in a magical baseball shrine….for one magical moment in time….the energy of a million souls was gathered together and released in a flood of Joy. Some might say it was just a game. I say why shouldn’t we play? In a time when humanity is searching for more ways to experience joy and put fear to rest we need every opportunity we can find to understand our collective power. In the end it’s about more than a game of baseball. It’s about the fact that Joy is our default setting. It’s about the fact that Love Trumps out Hate. It’s about our Faith in the fact that we are all connected to Source.

In short my friends, It’s about the Game of Life and I say “Let’s Play Ball…”

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The Fall of 2016

6a00d83452060169e2019aff7836bc970c-600wiThis morning at 9:21 a.m. CDT in the Northern Hemisphere we will make the transition in seasons. We will move from our delightful summer into our amazing fall. I have always loved the change of seasons. I love all of the changes in seasons, but I particularly like the transition from summer to fall. As we enter the fall of 2016 there are many questions on the tables in our lives. Some of them are deeply personal and some of them are Universal. In my own life I can feel so many monumental changes on the near horizon. This change is an opportunity. It is an opportunity to choose fear of what might happen or to choose joy of what will happen. With much gratitude to my many mentors and spirit guides, I choose Joy!

We are living in a time where it may be easier to choose a path of fear. In this country we are on the precipice of a monumental presidential election that is hotly contested and awakens many emotions. It is so easy to point to our differences and throw up our arms and say that we are in a “no win” situation. On our planet we are watching individuals and groups take stances that at times lead to unrest and perhaps even to violence. It is easy to draw the conclusion that humanity is on a fast track to disaster. In our Universe we see shifts occurring that make us question the sustainability of our beliefs systems that the Divine has our backs and that everything will work out fine so we can live in a place of peace. It is easy to give up hope in higher power and allow our minds to move into a place of darkness.

Despite all the external circumstances that might try to point the personal ships of our minds into the current that carries us to fear, here’s my two cents as to why we should instead trust that the current is carrying us to Bliss. In my mind there is no other possibility!

Have you had a deep and meaningful conversation with anyone in the last couple of weeks? My bet is that you have. Did you notice in that conversation that the person you were talking to was searching and hoping  for answers? Maybe it was you who was searching for the answers and the person you were talking to was the one you were hoping would provide them? In the end the key word in the matter is hope.

The famous English poet Alexander Pope wrote in An Essay on Man, “Hope springs eternal in the human breast…” Odd words from a man who was ostracized for his Catholic faith in a time when being Catholic was a curse that meant he was banned from teaching. Odd words from a man who had numerous health problems including a form of tuberculosis. Odd words from a man who had his growth stunted so he only grew to four feet six inches as an adult.

In An Essay on Man, Pope writes a poem that is an affirmation of faith. Despite the fact that life seems to be chaotic and confusing to man when he is in the center of it, Pope suggests that life is really divinely ordered. In Pope’s world, God exists and is what he centers the Universe around in order to have an ordered structure. While humanity can only take in tiny portions of this reality, it is critical that we understand that we must rely on hope which then leads to faith. Humanity must be aware that our existence in the Universe is to flow with the current and accept that all is exactly as it is supposed to be, even when things happen that we might not prefer. It is man’s duty to strive to be good regardless of the external circumstances. Isn’t it true that you know far more people that live a life that exemplifies hope and goodness than those who exemplify fear and hate?

I need to look no further than my own circle to find many sources of hope. I have many friends who have the ability to tap into a form of cosmic consciousness and receive answers of hope about the possibilities. Most often this ability is called channeling. While the concept may be new to many humans, why shouldn’t we believe that that the answers of the ages are at our fingertips if we open our mind to the possibility? Haven’t all the greatest spiritual teachers of all faiths in all times told us that we are not only a piece of the Divine, but that we are one in that same with all that IS? Why shouldn’t we believe then that the messages that are being delivered in time and space are not an illusion, but in fact an absolute truth?

One such seeker of the Truth is a man named Darryl Anka who channels a multi-dimensional being that goes by the moniker of Bashar. Now before you sign off and say that Jim has taken his full dose of fruit loops this morning, give me a few more moments of your time…

Bashar has predicted many things about the fall of 2016. Many who have only superficially heard of these predictions assume that the “Fall” indicates a downward trajectory for mankind and not just a reference to the change in the season of humanity…

Bashar has predicted that between 2015 and 2017 humanity will come to discover beyond a reasonable doubt that life exists elsewhere beyond our current definitions. It may be within our own solar system or it may be an amoeba in another solar system. Does it really matter I say? Wouldn’t the simple fact that life exists elsewhere be enough for many humans to alter their belief system when we discover it is true. The possibilities are infinite!

Bashar has predicted a massive change in our economic system that would allow us to function as more of a planetary global system within the next 10-15 years. Perhaps a shift in our view on taxation that will allow for an energetic surge that will have repercussions that allow humanity to live in a place where we all help each other more and focus on self a bit less.

Bashar has predicted that we will shift from an older mindset that will allow for humanity to tap into a new idea of free energy the will create safe and sustainable sources for humanity to fuel itself without continuing to cause irreparable harm to our Mother Earth.

Bashar has predicted that at first the changes to our political system will appear to be “same old same old”, but that they will pave the way for a revamping by 2020 that will open the possibility for an historic event that will forever change the world as we see it now.

Bashar predicts that between 2020 and 2030 humanity will find inventions and capabilities that we never believed possible. We will start working together and we will be capable of abilities and adventures far beyond our thoughts and dreams. Time travel? Telekineses? Who knows? As a result, humanity will finally be focusing on a way where our resources are coordinated in a way we  did back in the beginning of time when we were capable of almost anything.

Does this sound like a downward fall? I think not! I think it sounds Divine!

In the past few years I have learned to reconsider the way I tell the story that is my life. More importantly, I have started to listen with greater intention to the stories of others. When we take the time to listen to the stories of others we come to the undeniable truth that we are in fact all the same. We all have desires. We all have dreams. We all go on journeys. We all face contrasts. We all have the opportunity to unveil awakenings in the challenges. We all have the possibility of mastering the path of our own lives. We all are offered the chance to understand that our end point is contentment and Bliss.

As we make this critical transition in the seasons of our own lives and of our planet’s rotation around it’s source of light, might I suggest that you make the only choice that will serve you. In a time when there is the distinct option of choosing fear, remember that the power of your own mind offers you the possibility of choosing Joy instead. Regardless of the external circumstances, in my mind, there is no other possibility!

 

 

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Am I Good Enough?

This weekend I came face to face with that age old question of “Am I good enough?” It’s always the first question we ask ourselves when doubt and fear enter our energy profiles, isn’t it? I came face to face with that question both in my own life and in the lives of more than few others I had the chance to interact with over the weekend. It’s a nice reminder that we are all the same. We all have the opportunity to face challenges large and small and determine what awakenings are intended to unfold. I’m pretty excited to see those awakenings even if I don’t always prefer the path we all need to travel on to get to them!

There have been periods of my life when I have lived with the question of “Am I good enough?” at the forefront of my mind 24/7 and there have been periods of my life where I truly know that my best effort in the moment is good enough. In the first scenario I am often paralyzed by my own fear and have trouble getting anything done. In the second scenario I typically move with confidence and grace. One of the interesting things about this dynamic is that it really doesn’t matter what part of the cycle you happen to be in or which scenario is your normal at the present moment, the answer to the question of “Am I good enough?” can change from “Yes” to “No” in a heartbeat!

Here’s a piece of good news though. The answer to the question of “Am I good enough?” can change back to “Yes” from “No” just as quickly as it flipped in the other direction if you let it. You get to decide!

Over the past couple of years, one of the many things that I’ve been working on to become a better version of myself is to get better at receiving feedback. My desire to get better at receiving feedback stemmed from years of being resistant to feedback because I had a hard time carrying the weight of judgment that I passed on myself whenever I found out that I wasn’t perfect at something. It didn’t matter if it was a kata I did in karate class, a project at work or just something as mundane as a dish I cooked for dinner, I would cringe at the idea that I needed to change anything. If you live in a place where you hold yourself to a standard of perfection, anything less than perfect in everybody’s eyes is going to be measured as a failure in your own heart. Anyone else out there ever live in that place?

About five years ago I attended an instructor training program in a form of yoga I had never taught before. I had already been teaching yoga for more than ten years at the time, but I challenged myself to enter the program with a total beginner’s mindset and in a place of humility. I told nobody in the group that I had any teaching experience. I tried to learn from the ground up. To my great good fortune the program was led by a fabulous woman named Megan Ducate. She taught me many wonderful things about yoga and about life. One of the most important things was this:

“When it comes to feedback, it’s important to remember two things: 1) always ask for permission to give before you offer it, and 2) receive it knowing that it is someone’s opinion of a moment in time and you can either accept it or reject it as you wish…”

That lesson alone was worth the investment of time and money in the instructor training. Ever since that day I have tried to be more kind to others in the way I offer feedback when given the opportunity to give it and to be more kind to myself when I receive it. What can I say?  I’m still a work in progress.

On Friday last week I got some feedback on something I had been working on. It wasn’t the feedback that I had expected or had hoped to hear. It started me on a path to that eternal question of “Am I good enough?” Now I will say that I received the feedback better than I would have a few years ago, but the weight of feeling judged put me in a place where I had a hard time navigating my life at all during the next 24 hours. Unfortunately for me, I had a full calendar and had little to no time to sit and reflect. I had to go about my schedule being as fully invested as I possibly could even though I was feeling broken inside. I did my best.

When I woke up on Saturday morning, I started to wake up in my normal positive mindset, but as quickly as I drifted out of the state of groggy I remembered the events of the day before. As a result of those memories, I started to feel like I was being pulled down into the whirlpool of “woe is me…” Now I’ve done a lot of work in my lifetime to come to the understanding that our thoughts and emotions create our own life path and that the stories that we tell ourselves create our own illusions and our illusions become our own realities. All that being said, it’s pretty hard to get out of the path of your own mental and energetic train wreck while it is already in progress.

Fortunately for me I had a previously scheduled early morning phone call with a friend to put in a little time on a joint project we are working on. During the course of that phone call my friend made a comment that they were frustrated that they weren’t making faster progress on their end of the project. I asked them why they felt that way because clearly I thought they were making great progress. What they told me next made me take a deeper look at my own mood and energy. What they told me was that one of their own family members asked them why they were even working on a project that they weren’t getting paid for and were making little if any progress at all on. The whole thing made my heart hurt for my friend. In the moment I immediately went to my support voice. I reminded  my friend that they were only person who held the power to pass judgement on themself. I referenced the book The Four Agreements where author Don Miguel Ruiz writes, “Don’t take anything personally. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality…”

And just like that I remembered that I needed to be reminded of the same message that I was offering as feedback to my friend in that moment in time. Don’t take anything personally….Always do you best and remember that your best is a sliding scale that does not necessarily ever approach perfect. I was grateful for the awakening.

As my day continued I felt lighter and lighter. I had a number of other interactions with other people during the day and in many cases I found myself referencing teachings I had found at the hands of the many mentors I have been fortunate enough to find in my lifetime. In every case those teachings were inclusive of awakenings that applied not only to the person I was speaking to but also to myself and they were awakenings I needed to be reminded of in the moment. Isn’t it funny how the Universe works in that fashion? We might not always get what we want, but we always get what we need…

unnamed-24Much later that night Christiana and I sat down to eat our homemade crab boil (which I clearly was good enough to make) and to watch When Harry Met Sally. Before we sat down, I checked my email one final time for the day. In my inbox was a random and unexpected email from someone who had taken one of the first ever workshops we led almost two years ago. The email went on to thank us for the work that we continue to do, for the way that we see the world on a daily basis and for reminding others to just keep doing their best no matter what the external circumstances. As I sat on the couch and read the email I began to weep. For most of the previous 24 hours I danced in the minefield between self doubt and self acceptance with irrational fear about stepping on a land mine. 

In that moment on my couch before our crab boil dinner and When Harry Met Sally, I was gifted the reminder that only I hold the power to pass judgment on myself. I remembered that if I do my best and allow for my best to be measured on a variable scale, that I am not only good enough, but that I am in fact perfect! Both my strengths and my flaws make me a piece of all that IS.

Someone asked me the other day if finding higher self love is our ultimate goal as humans? In a world where it is often said that the absence of fear is love and that the opposite of love is fear, I would say this…

Each day that I move closer to the understanding that I have the right to love myself exactly as I am, I move closer to living without fear. On this night I go to bed remembering that I am indeed “Good enough”….I go to bed with the deep sense of knowing that the better I love myself, the better I can to the most important thing it is that I do in this lifetime in this Universe. To Love all that IS exactly the way that it IS without judgment….

I am grateful for the awakening. 

 

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Choose Your Words Carefully

Yesterday morning I left the Abbey at about 10:00 a.m. A part of me was sad to end such  a significant chapter of my fully amazing life. A larger part of me was excited for what lies ahead. After a quick stop at the gift shop to gather a few mementos from the trip I set my next destination point on my GPS. My next stop was Lexington, Kentucky where I would have the distinct pleasure of sitting in conversation and repast with my friends Craig and Anella in their stunning, vintage Kentucky bungalow. The drive was predicted to take about 75 minutes as I traveled northeast across the heart of Kentucky.

I caught a little traffic coming through downtown Lexington so I arrived 90 minutes after I departed. Fortunately none of us were tethered to any particular schedule on this day so my arrival time made no matter at all. It’s the moments of life when we are not tethered to time that the magic truly happens. Magic was about to happen!

When I arrived at their downtown Lexington bungalow home,  Craig was finishing up a conversation on the phone with his father. Early on when I first met Craig I remembered he had asked for prayers in a post online because of a health scare his father was experiencing. I thought about how nice it was that that time must have passed and that the two men were sharing conversation in the middle of the day on a perfect Friday summer morning. Anella gave me a quick tour of their circa 1920s home. I had just left a perfect sanctuary at the Abbey of Gethsemani. How lucky was I to have found another just 75 miles east?

After the tour and Craig’s phone call, we sat at their kitchen island and enjoyed delicious treats from their favorite local restaurant. I savored each bite of quiche, focaccia bread and muffins and finished with the most perfect macaroon. All the while we conversed about life, the nature of reality, the awakenings we find in our challenges and many other subjects that did NOT include politics or weather or other trivial things. We told stories that inspired laughter and even a few tears. To me the mark of a divine friendship is when you can pick up and converse about intimate things without any need to make small talk to start the process. Humanity in general is craving this realness. Once again I thought about how grateful I am to have people like Craig and Anella and so many others who step fully in to that space right away.

After about two hours I realized that it was time for me to continue my journey. I could have sat in the peace and tranquility of their home for eternity every bit as much as I could have stayed at Gethsemani for lifetimes, but there was more road to travel and more work yet to be done. When I left they gave me a box of macaroons to take home to Christiana and a pair of deep, heart to heart hugs. I left them with a Merton book I had gathered at the monastery for them and a kiss on the cheek. Mementos of the moment in time that we shared that would carry on as ripples into our lives going forward.

As I walked away from their front porch towards my car Craig said, “Thank you so much Jim for taking the time to drive out of your way for the stop in our home…safe travels my brother!” I replied without turning back by saying, “I’d have driven ten hours to have shared this experience…”

I started up the car, looked back at the home I had just been received in for conversation and other forms of sustenance and I drove away with an extremely full heart. At the first stop light in town I programed my GPS for my new destination. I was headed to my home. It looked like I had about a six hour drive ahead of me give or take based on how many times I decided to stop along the way. I am not typically a long drive person. In fact I have had the limiting belief that I can’t stand more than five hours in the car per day and at the most 2 hour stretches without a break. On this day though I was at peace and even a bit excited for the time in the car. I had many thoughts to process and many words buzzing in my brain.

In the last couple of years as I have stepped more fully into my role as a writer and a speaker I tend to look at every moment in life as a potential story – which they always are. I am also a believer in the infinite power of the the human mind and the fact that the thoughts we form become the things that happen in our lives. As a result I try to choose my words and my thoughts with precision and a mind for detail. In short I usually choose my words carefully.

About an hour into my drive I ran into a slight delay. It was caused by an accident that I was grateful to not have been a part of. As I drove past the crash site, I touched the St. Christopher medal that belonged to my father which I have clipped to the sun visor of my car and gave thanks and prayed for good health of those that had been less fortunate on this day. A bit further up the road there was a road closure that required me to drive south east for about 10 minutes on an alternate route. If you know even a little bit about geography you will know that the trip from Kentucky to Chicago should not include any time driving southeast. I trusted the process and followed my GPS.

After some slow going through Louisville and a few more construction zones on the path I eventually found myself just a bit south of Indianapolis after four hours in the car. I had only covered about half of the distance I had to travel thus far, but I needed to stop and get gas and use the facilities. When I stopped near Indy I realized that this had likely been the longest amount of time I had spent behind the wheel without a break in the last twenty years at least. Perhaps it was time to erase some of my limiting beliefs. I was grateful for the awakening.

After grabbing a latte at Starbucks I was back on the road. It was about 5:00 p.m. and I could still make Chicago by nightfall. The route on I-65 north was a bit of a challenge for the rest of the way. Numerous construction sites and a number of accidents had me stopping and starting for the next couple of hours. When I finally approached the turn off to Chicago I had to decide if I wanted to take I-94 and approach Chicago on the Dan Ryan expressway or if I wanted to catch the Indiana Toll Road, which is a more direct route but includes tolls and a potential back up on Lake Shore Drive when I did finally get downtown. I chose the I-94 route since it was the first to appear.

Shortly after the turn off onto I-94 my GPS said “Accident ahead…You can save six minutes by choosing alternate route…” I figured six minutes was not worth the change in plans and I stuck to my route instead of turning off. For the next hour I sat between Cline Avenue outside of Gary, Indiana and the Illinois State Line. Under normal circumstances this trip would take about 10 minutes.

unnamed-12I continued to make progress and by 9:00 pm as the sun was setting over the western suburbs I passed through my  beloved Chicago. I watched the sun streams dance off the high-rises over my right shoulder and said goodnight to the sun over my left. It was the same sun that I said goodnight to the night before as it set over the Kentucky hills. The geography of where I was on this planet had shifted, but the sun was still fixed like it always is as one brilliant lights in our glorious Universe. I decided I best head straight to one of my favorite local eateries and grab some food before heading home. I pulled into the parking lot at L Woods Pine Tap and Lodge just minutes before they closed at 9:30 p.m. I had just driven another four and a half hour stretch without a break. I felt a sense of triumph in the completion of my journey.

As  walked into L Woods I realized that had spent 90 minutes driving from New Haven to Lexington. I had spent four fours driving from Lexington to Indianapolis. I had spent four and a half hours driving from Indianapolis to L Woods which is within a mile of my home. In total I had just spent 10 hours behind the wheel in one day! And then instantaneously I recalled what I said to Craig as I walked away from their stunning, vintage Kentucky bungalow, “I’d have drive ten hours to have shared this experience….”

And that is exactly what I just did!

When I got home I brought my things up to our second floor two flat. I sat on the porch and looked at the moon as it sat low in the sky and danced in and out of the clouds. I thought about the multitude of words that have come through me over the last four days. Some 20,000 of them in the form of journal entries, blogs and writing on my larger project which is back on the table in full force. Many more words are stored in my heart for unveiling in the days and weeks ahead. I will choose them all carefully. They leave an indelible mark  that will become a permanent account of the story of our lives.

And so it continues…

 

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Walking Out of Gethsemani

This morning I depart from this chapter of my journey which has led to many places without traveling far at all. I have had many flavors of silence in the last four days and I have also had many conversations. It’s amazing how silence allows us to converse in the purest form. I have had conversations with those who used to be part of my life as I allowed them to reach me in ways I have not yet known. I have had conversations with those who I randomly intersected with on my side trips away from the monastery. I have had conversations with they Divine as it exists in places like this Abbey at a level where we are more inclined to listen. Mostly importantly, I have had numerous conversations with myself and in the process I have learned something very important. I’ve learned to be a better listener.

This morning after I cleared out my quarters and loaded my things into the car, I took an hour to walk the grounds one last time. Ultimately I landed yet again at the chairs by Merton’s gravesite. The chairs were not in the exact position I left them in last night after I returned a part of Richard’s ashes to the soil. They had been turned to face the back of the headstone at more of an angle and they had been placed a little closer to each other than they were last night. The chairs were slightly angled towards each other in the perfect position for two people to have an intimate conversation with each other so that they could see each other while still surveying the beauty of their surroundings. I sat in one of the chairs.

Of the many conversations I have had on this journey, more than a few of them have been with Richard’s spirit. It seemed one more conversation was being called in. When I sat I took a moment to drink in all that Is. To drink in all that had happened in the last 72 hours, which in reality seems more like 72 days. After a minute or two of silence I began to speak. I spoke not only in my mind. I spoke with my real voice. The grounds of the monastery were completely empty. Retreatants are asked to vacate their rooms by 8:00 a.m. on Fridays so the rooms can be prepared for new arrivals. Most leave right away, but we are allowed to stay until 10:00 a.m for final reflections. Since nobody else in human for was with me in the graveyard I spoke out loud for the first time on the monastery grounds.

When I was done speaking, I closed my eyes and listened in silence one last time. In that silence I got the loudest message of all, “Walk out of this garden and walk fully into you life…James!”

There are many untold stories in my life both from the past, the present and the future. Some of them are mine to tell and some of them are intended for me to listen to. When I stood to walk away, I turned and took one more look at the chairs as they faced the back of Merton’s grave. I had just crossed another important finish line and in the process was reminded that the journey had just began. I walk out of the Gethsemani and I walk fully into my life. And so it begins…

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