Random inappropriateness on the tarmac

When you are waiting on the tarmac at 6 a.m. the mind can go into a lot of different and often crazy places. Mine is particularly bizarre.

As we were checking in for our flight on one of those automated person “thingys” we were offered a number of upgrades. For a price that is. My favorites was the $39 per person “Economy Plus” upgrade where you “get up to 5 inches” extra leg room.  I’ve asked a number of ladies I know and none of them are looking to get up to 5 inches. I say I’m holding out for a half a foot.

I wonder why when they tell you to fasten your seat belt while on the tarmac they have to add the descriptive phrase “fasten it low and tight”? That makes my mind go to those “places” again. Based on the surly expression on our flight attendants faces I’d say they could stand a little “low and tight”. And do you ever notice how they walk the aisle and look into your lap to see exactly how “low and tight” you are fastened. Very uncomfortable.

Just before we started to taxi on the runway a baby at the back of the plane started to cry. My girlfriend said, “Oh boy. There’s a baby on the flight.” I replied, “there’s always a baby on the flight.” In her special extended vowel speech she said, “Alwaaaaaysss?” I told her, “Of course there’s alwaaayss a baby on the flight. They keep a supply of extras at every gate in the event that a flight is about to leave without one!” We were towards the back of the plane so we waited for everyone to exit before getting our bags from the overhead. The only people leaving the plane with us were a nice couple with their cute baby. I couldn’t resist saying, “don’t forget to check your baby at the gate on the way out.” I haven’t seen a more confused look in quite a while. I get a strange amount of pleasure in making my girlfriend crazy.

Last night after work I ordered the seven flavor chicken from Big Bowl for carryout. It’s my new favorite. I fought Obama’s motorcade through traffic, “tipped” a traffic guard to get through a barricade (more on that later), taught my sculpt class and packed knowing that it was waiting for me. But it wound up being seven flavored beef. I had already taken it home and it was  10 p.m so I just ate the potstickers. Massive depression. How can you get all seven flavors right but miss the meat?

Welcome to the contents of my head enhanced by sleep deprivation and starvation. Look out NYC here I come!


About Jim Herbert

I've been wanting to write my whole life. By age 45 it had amounted to nothing more than a storage locker of half full journals and a lot of unfulfilled dreams. Then Paris in the fall of 2011 happened. It was the catalyst I needed to consistently blog. At first I had a hard time hitting the publish button, but now two blog sites and over 300 posts later I'm hitting my stride. I'm also a budding speech writer. I've recently been heavily involved in the Chicago Storytelling scene and have also won the Chicago Toastmasters Area 66 International Speech Contest. Check out our website at www.emergingintojoy.com for more details about the amazing things that are happening in my life. A book or two are nearing completion. With another Paris trip on tap for Easter of 2015 I can only imagine that there are Infinite Possibilities on the horizon!!!
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One Response to Random inappropriateness on the tarmac

  1. Jenny says:

    too funny… Dan would agree with you on the “baby” thing…have a great trip!

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