As I said in my last post I love the Olympics. I particularly love the opening ceremonies. To me it’s like the first day of a great vacation filled with opportunity and excitement. The lighting of the cauldron is always one of my favorite moments. Waiting to see who gets the torch last is so much fun. The closing ceremonies are also wonderful, but a bit more poignant, like the last day of a great vacation where you are satisfied to reflect on all the good memories but a little sad to let go.
Like many I looked ahead to the opening ceremonies of London 2012 with a suspicious eye. How would Danny Boyle follow up the spectacle that was the opening in Beijing in 2008? To try to out-spectacle that amazing and once in a lifetime event would likely end in failure. To my delight he right away said he would not try to outdo that event, but rather he would focus on the theater of the event of the moment in true Shakespearean tradition. A wise choice indeed and well executed in my mind.
That being said I must say that CJ and I watched every minute of the opening ceremonies over Friday night, Saturday night and early Sunday morning last weekend. Ah the wonders of a DVR. In my old days it was tapes and timers. Now it’s iphones and digital recordings. Progress is truly a good thing in this case. Except for the fact that you can re-watch every moment and every word in an instant! That little advancement allows me to be as critical and satirical as humanly possible. I now set out in David Letterman like fashion with my top 10 list of the most ridiculous comments made by the talking heads during the Opening Ceremonies. Thanks to Bob Costas (BC) , Matt Lauer (ML) , Ryan Seacrest (RC) and Meredith Vieria (MV) for their random and hilarious comments. In order then the top 10 most ridiculous comments during the Opening Ceremonies of the London 2012 Olympics:
(MV) “Just to let you know all of volunteers are not getting paid for their time”
(ML) “The British flag is often referred to as the Union Jack”
Well hello Captain and Tennille obvious! I actually though most volunteers got paid and it was the the Confederate Flag that was called Union Jack. I mean I see it in Indiana all the time, right?
(RS) In an interview with American female gymnasts talking about a photo with Michael Phelps, “I see you’re under his armpits there…”
Yep Ryan we are right there in the armpit with the farting noises. Good choice on those ankle boots too as you sat in an interview in a suit and tie. We all know that ankle boots look so chic when you can see the gap between your pant cuffs and the boot top. At least you’re not in anyone’s armpit though.
(ML) In response to the ring being forged with authentic sulfur smell during the industrial revolution part of the ceremony said “They are getting and eyeful, and earful and a nose full.”
In response (MV) “This is one of those times you want Smell-o-Vison.”
Exactly which times don’t you want Smell-o-Vision Meredith? Oh wait more later…
(MV) During the part of the show when they were celebrating the National Health care and Children’s literature the theme was children anxiously reading and jumping on their alleged hospital beds with their nurses she says, “Quite frankly none of those kids look sick to me…”
Hello Mr. Boyle please have these healthy children removed immediately! Bring me some children that are bleeding, have visible lesions or are convulsing. And in addition make sure they all smell bad. We have a billion people expecting to smell disease and malodorousness on their Smellies. WTF?
Okay Matt it’s totally creepy indeed, but as the long term host of the Today Show and and as the host of the Olympics opening ceremony you are supposed to know that YOU CAN”T SAY THAT!
(MV) One of the best parts of the theater was the appearance of Rowan Atkinson and the Chariots of Fire parody. It was perfect in every way and when it wrapped no transition was needed and certainly not this one.
“Rowan Atkinson…I don’t know what kind of musician he is but he has pretty nice legs I must say…”
(BC) During the entrance of the Spanish team there was much commentary about the dominance of their soccer team and the fact that the Barcelona games were some of the most beautiful ever. The camera then zoomed in on a male athlete with a pink wig as Costas said “I can’t say the same for that hairstyle. Memorable perhaps but beautiful perhaps not.”
Really Bob? You may be a legendary sports journalist but a hair critic I’d say you are not! Do you even have a mirror in your house? In the future I’d suggest leaving the wig reviews alone. I mean which is worse?
(BC) As the Uganadan team entered the parade of nations Bob said, “Winston Churchill once described the African nation of Uganda and its lush landscape as the Pearl of Africa…of course he never met Idi Amin.” Ah yes nothing like a light hearted parade setting reference one of the 20th centuries most brutal dictators. Just look at Wikipedia’s summary to remember what a happy go lucky guy Mr. Amin was:
“Amin’s rule was characterised by gross human rights abuse, political repression, ethnic persecution, extrajudicial killings, nepotism , corruption, and gross economic mismanagement.” AWESOME BOB!
(ML) Reaching the crescendo of the team from Great Britain entering the Olympic stadium, Matt said, “Bob are you getting this? In the center of the arena the athletes from other countries in the world. There the Queen cheering wildly for Great Britain…”
Well if this isn’t the face of “Cheering Wildly” I don’t know what is!
(ML) As the team from Luxembourg entered the arena the brilliant Mr. Lauer unloaded this timeless piece of useless wisdom and a Mitt Romney worthy foot in mouth moment.
“The country of Luxembourg is more properly known as the Grand Duche of Luxembourg …so I wonder why they don’t march in the G spot…”
Sounds painful Matt! A whole team of Luxembourgians marching in the G spot eh? To his credit Mr. Costas and his pink hair commenting wit retorted, “I hope that’s a rhetorical question Matt because I can’t answer it…”
Ah live TV. There’s nothing like it! I love a good parade especially when it is loaded with a great list of rambling of the mouth by our best hand selected commentators. Can hardly wait for 2014. General mockery of Siberian locals and and yaks should provide a wealth of material.