Are you into numerology? On the surface I t can be a question akin to walking up to someone asking them what their sign is? As if one simple layer of the zodiac could unveil someone’s true nature. What about the moon sign? What about the rising sign? Numerology is the same. You can dismiss it as hocus-pocus or you can peel the onion. When you peel the onion you are sure to become one with its many layers. There will be flavor. There will be texture. There will be depth. Eventually there will be tears.
Eighteen months ago I met a new and special friend. The minute we met each other we knew there was a certain magic. There was a look in the eyes in a moment in time that had a familiarity of past lives and soul connection. My wife now calls her my pod person as if we were hatched from the same egg. It’s entirely possible. She has stepped into a role in my life that was vacated all too soon by my dear friend Richard who died suddenly just four months prior to the time I met my pod person. It is the role that is way more than that of just new friend. It is a role of confidant, spiritual teacher, support system and unconditional love. It is the type of friendship most are not lucky enough to find at such an stage of life like I am living now at age 50.
I am grateful to live in a circle and have a life partner that does not exclude the development of intimate relationships with other humans. As if one other human could complete you? Completion is a self-contained project that requires a team of help. My wife Christiana is the closest thing I could have ever hoped for in finding a soul mate that is the yin to my yang. We both understand that the world is a rich ocean of love and opportunity and as an example of that we are on independent sabbaticals as I write this post. To have trust and self-love that is so deep that it allows for independence is a thing of beauty. Everyone deserves to enjoy that beauty.
Shortly after I met my pod person, she introduced me to the concept of numerology. It is a field that I had never explored even in a lifetime of diverse paths and many modalities. She told me things about myself that nobody could have know from the brief encounters we had experienced in the first month of our friendship. She told me I was destined for greatness. She told me that examples of others that had a same numerology alignment as mine were Oprah Winfrey and Brad Pitt. No pressure there! At the time I had no way to believe her prediction in the defeated, depressed and shallow state I was living in. Fortunately I now think she was right. Thanks to a lot of hard work and a team of friends and a wife that has stepped into her own amazing birthright and life purpose, I now feel that the sky is a limit that is too low to set for all of us. The Cosmos sounds like a reasonable goal. The Universe is on the verge of epic healing. How lucky are we to be living in the story of Humanities Great Awakening?
Back to the numerology…
About six months ago my pod person told me that we were both nine-year cycle people. She told me that we were both in year nine cycles and that her cycle would end on her birthday later this year. Mine would end sooner as my birthday was coming up within the next few months. It made me reflect on the last nine years of my life. The peripheral answers were obvious to me. Then I kept working on the onion. Over the last few weeks I have gotten closer to the core of the onion. It has taken some work. There will be more tears yet.
Nine years ago I was still married to my first wife. It was a relationship that had traveled 23 years and we had been married for 18 of them. Life was fine. I had many blessings. I often say I have had the great good fortune to have married two of the three smartest women I have ever know. The third is the person who has the most wisdom I have ever seen. That one is my Mom.
I was comfortable in my former life, but I had reached a point where I was not content. At the time I thought it had more to do with my first wife than it did with me. I was wrong. It was all about me. In fact everything in my life was about me. It’s amazing that in a lifetime where I had done a fine job of prioritizing me, that I had reached a place that I was so lost, so lonely and so confused.
Like many people, I looked for the solutions in external circumstances. That never works. Nobody has ever blazed a trail to contentment without looking inwards. I had spent many years exploring many paths. Martial arts. Yoga. Bonsai cultivation. Wine collecting. Travel. None of my burning desires in the moment quenched the burning desire of my soul. I found myself one day screaming at the Universe, “Why is my life so vanilla?”
My life was vanilla because it was my flavor of choice. I was too scared and too insecure to change the flavor. The Universe clearly had another plan. Sometimes when you don’t make the choices you are supposed to make the Universe makes them for you. It did. I dove into a chasm of chaos. I am grateful that I emerged whole. It is through no special magic of my own. It is through the bounty and kindness of the Divine creator that I was given another chance. It was also due to finding the divine partner that I might not have found in this lifetime if not for a certain vibration that called it into being. Christiana and I have merged across soul groups after millennia of searching. I’m not sure why I deserved this second chance, but I’ll take it.
I left a lot of collateral damage in my wake. Most notably, my first wife suffered the wrath of living in a choice that she thought came with certain expectations. I could not meet those expectations and while I wish that things had transitioned better than they had, I am grateful that we have found a place of peace with each other after these many years. Carrying swords is no way to help the world achieve its ultimate state of peace.
Back to the nine year cycle…
Nine years ago in March of 2007 I went on a trip to Colorado by myself. It was the first time that I had taken a trip by myself in my entire adult life. I had recently been bitten by the ski bug and had decided that a four-day weekend in Snowmass, Colorado was the perfect tonic for my external circumstance, contentment seeking self. During that trip things began to shift for me. I’m not sure that I made a conscious choice to light my life on fire, but I did begin to realize that my former enough was no longer going to be enough. When I came home I began to see things differently. I had done nothing to peel away any layers of the onion yet, but I had planted a seed that the peeling needed to begin. I started to let people into my life. Now that may not sound like a groundbreaking transition, but coming from someone who kept the entire world at arm’s length for over ten years, it was a tsunami of epic proportion.
One of the people I let in was my then co-worker and friend Christiana. We were worlds apart in so many ways. We came from different worlds politically and socially. We were many years apart. We worked in a situation where people would question our friendship. None of that mattered. We had the most important thing in common. We saw the world as a place of joy and opportunity. We believed that everyone deserved more and that abundance was not only for those who had had chosen to be born into it. We believed that the way we think shapes our reality and that we all become what we think just like the Buddha says. We just had no idea how or what to think!
At the time in 2007 I had been working with one of the most powerful visionaries I have know in this lifetime. One day out of the blue she told me that I had met a new person that I was not supposed to meet in this lifetime, but that certain vibrations in the Universe had aligned and that we had a choice to make. We could unite in our Divine purpose or we could ignore it and wait for a future lifetime. Back then I was not as attune to this level of psychic possibility. Now the message is all too clear. We tried more than a few times to ignore it. The message never stopped coming.
Shortly after my return from my Colorado trip in 2007 everything began to change. It was not an easy change. It came with great pain to me and to many others. It came with hard self-examination. It came with many years of physical, mental and metaphysical therapy. It has been worth every ounce of energy I have spent. My heart offers apologies and healing to those that my former self did not recognize as lovingly as I should have. A young, self-entitled man with a lot of confidence often leaves a wake as he carries his swords.
On the flip side, I am so grateful to all of those who have been a part of my growth. So many new alliances have formed. Some old alliances have been healed and renewed. It goes without saying that there are no words that I can use that can summarize the unconditional love that I feel for my soul partner Christiana who is my teacher, my confidant and my inspiration. I’ll say it anyways though.
So here I am in Colorado again exactly nine years to the day of that former trip. My nine-year cycle is closing just like my pod person predicted. What a nine years it has been. In some ways I feel like I have gone from infancy to childhood. In others ways I feel like I have gone from teenager to old man.
At the end of this nine-year cycle I am learning once again that my current enough is not enough. This time I am not lighting my life on fire and pouring gasoline on myself. This time it is not my lost soul-searching that is the end result. This time I will not leave a wake of collateral damage and pain. With any luck at all I think I will leave a ripple of love that can vibrate out into all corners of the Universe. I am ready to step into my divine purpose. That purpose is to help more, to live a life at its fullest potential, to use kindness and words as my tools and to leave all the old swords behind. I sit in wonder of the possibilities.
For the last year or so I had been ending most of my morning workouts/meditations with the thought, “I’m ready! I’m ready! I am so ready!”
Over that last week something else is shifting. I now end those same experiences with the words, “I’m listening…”
I thank the Divine creator for this second chance at making a difference. In honor of all those who have preceded me in their return to their ultimate home… I vow to keep my ears open… I vow to keep my mind open… I vow to keep my heart open. I have an army of Angels at my side and with all that love and support I may yet wander a bit, but I suspect I will never again lose my way…